The "what ifs". What if this or that. What if I didn't hear the baby choking or what if she stops breathing while she's sleeping. What if people think I'm not a good mother because my baby hair wasn't combed a certain way. Let me explain. I see in the news that people are criticizing Beyonce for her daughter's hair. I can relate. I styled my daughter's hair in natural curly/kinky puffs or afro with pretty head bands. What does hair have anything to do with mothering.
I worried about what my husband thought of me. Does he think I keep the house clean enough or cook meals like so and so. Does he love me. Am I a burden to him since I don't work outside of the home. Does he wish I would be more like whats her face.?
I worried about someone breaking into the house and taking my baby. I worried about what I would do if someone tried.
I worried about dying and not being able to see my baby grow up. I worried about someone else caring for my baby.
I worried about someone thinking I was crazy. I worried about if I was crazy.
I thought by worrying I could control things I guess. Don't we always want to be in control. I want and wanted to control how my kids behave or what hand they used to write with or what they wanted to become when they grew up.
17 years and 2 more kids later, I still worry but I have learned to pray about everything; big things, small things, silly things. God is in control. So I give all my burdens to Him and I walk by faith.
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